Two Years Gone But Not Forgotten: Thoughts on the Anniversary of Having Lost My Mom

Much like last year, apologies to those of you who are looking for wall to wall Oscar coverage today, but this is a day that I’m using, in part, to mark a very sad anniversary. A piece on the close of voting will be up later today and my final Academy Award nomination predictions will be up in a few days, but for a moment this morning…this is something different and personal for me. Two years ago on this day, I lost my mother. It’s not the same kind of sadness as last year, but it’s still there. Simply put, I miss my mom.

When it happened, I shared the sad news here in a post where I urged you all to call your mother if you could. That remains very much the case again this year. In fact, I want to once more share what J.K. Simmons said in his Oscar acceptance speech:

“Call your mom, everybody. I’m told there’s like a billion people or so (watching). Call your mom. Call your dad, if you are lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet. Don’t text. Don’t e-mail. Call ’em on the phone. Tell them you love them, and thank them, and listen to them for as long as they want to talk to you.”

Last year, I wrote the following about processing it all, and it still remains true, though obviously life goes on and the wound scabs over a bit more. Still, it’s there. I said this a year ago today:

It’s a very sad day for me, and frankly, it’s been a very sad year. There’s no way to properly describe it if you haven’t been through the same kind of loss, but it’s a gaping hole in your heart, in your world, that just doesn’t go away. It’s like a conversation cut off in the middle that you’ll never get to finish. I’m not a fan of goodbyes in general, but this kind of forever one just tears me in two. Most days, I’m more or less fine, but there’s always at least a moment or two throughout the day when it hits me all over again. Some days, and especially on quiet nights, it hits harder, and the wave of crushing sadness comes right back at you.

I’ve done a lot in a year. The site continued to grow. Film festivals were covered. Various interesting events were attended. Romantic interests came and went. At all almost all junctures, I would have wanted to talk to her about it. So, call your mom today if you can. I know I would if I could. I promise we’ll return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow (the podcast is already in the can), but for today, spare a thought for my family and I. It’s a tough day.

This year, I want to add two more things to this. One is that happy memories are starting to be as frequent as the sad ones. Of course, there’s also moments like when I reached for the phone to talk to her about the Mets and their playoff run that it hits me like a ton of bricks. The other things is an urging to keep tabs on your health. Go to the doctor when you don’t feel well, obviously, but also for check-ups. My mom didn’t, which never slowed her down, until it permanently did. She should still be here now. I want all of you to still be here. So, take care of yourselves. Do it for yourself, but do it for your friends and family, too. They want you around for a long time. Just do it.

I miss you, ma.