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Sisters React: Hyper-Sexualized ‘Holidate’

HOLIDATE (2020) Emma Roberts as Sloane Reed and Luke Bracey as Jackson. Cr. Steve Dietl/NETFLIX

By now, most people have heard the buzz around the new Netflix film, Holidate. Marketed as a feel good, Christmas centric romantic comedy starring none other than Emma Roberts, it sounds promising. Being fans of Roberts, Casey and I (Kendall) were ready to indulge in yet another fun flick from the actress. To say that the movie wasn’t what we expected would be an understatement. Without further ado, here are our live reactions to watching Holidate.

Began: 7:20 PM

Kendall Tinston – 7:22 PM – Somehow I don’t think a single Fresh Mint Tic Tac is going to cover up the fact you were secretly smoking cigarettes, Emma.

Casey Tinston – 7:22 PM – This is the least glamorous Emma Roberts has been in a while.

KT – 7:22 PM – Oh NO. Kristen Chenoweth is in this? Ugh.

CT – 7:22 PM – Emma Roberts’ mom is also Rose’s mom from Titanic. She should expect her to be judgy, she’s been judging for at least 84 years.

KT – 7:23 PM – Bitchy mom confirms Emma still stinks like cigarettes. Damnit, Tic Tac.

CT – 7:23 PM – I already don’t have time for Santa Chenoweth.

KT – 7:25 PM – Such a movie thing: parents showing embarrassing photos of their kids to the boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve yet to be shown embarrassing photos of my boyfriend and I’m mad about it.

CT – 7:25 PM – This mom has photos from her daughter’s first PERIOD?!

KT – 7:26 PM – Honestly living for this sassy little girl grilling Emma Roberts on her love life.

CT – 7:26 PM – Classic. Disillusioned Emma Roberts over sharing with a child.

KT – 7:27 PM – Whyyyyy did they give Emma Roberts gigantic pajamas for Christmas? She is quite literally the smallest person alive.

CT – 7:27 PM – Uh oh, he didn’t get this crazy girl he’s dating a present. This is about to get real.

KT – 7:27 PM – YOU KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO CUM IN MY MOUTH???!!! I love this movie. I am floored.

KT – 7:28 PM – Now he’s paying this girl off for the sex they had!?? In front of her parents!? What in the world is this movie!!

CT – 7:28 PM – Her parents are appalled. Not that he came in her mouth, but that he didn’t get her a present and wants to give her $40 instead!

KT – 7:28 PM – Oooh, a hot take: chicks go mental on the holidays. Great.

KT – 7:31 PM – Getting “her cookie licked” by a mall Santa? Again, WHAT is this movie??

CT – 7:31 PM – Some girl has a Matt Lauer tattoo? That didn’t age well. Also, what the fuck?

KT – 7:32 PM – Calling it now: by the end of this movie they love Christmas, but not as much as they love each other.

CT – 7:33 PM – I bet this God awful Urkel impression will become their “thing.”

KT – 7:33 PM – Who does this Australian man get pressure from during the holidays? He just said his parents live in Australia.

CT – 7:34 PM – The girl into whose mouths he’s cumming on holidays?

KT – 7:34 PM – This guy has some balls saying Emma Roberts isn’t attractive. She is a literal queen.

CT – 7:34 PM – “I don’t even know you.” They have been hanging out for 20 minutes and Emma ate two entire pretzels already.

KT – 7:35 PM – This guy is a Chris Hemsworth knock off.

KT – 7:36 PM – Okay but seriously. Everyone needs to stop saying Emma Roberts isn’t pretty. I feel triggered.

CT – 7:36 PM – If those are our standards, what do I look like then?

CT – 7:37 PM – I know it’s the title…but they need to stop saying Holidate.

KT – 7:39 PM – Kristen Chenoweth needs to not show up EVERYWHERE banging EVERYONE.

CT – 7:39 PM – I am done with the cookie licking storylines.

KT – 7:39 PM – Leaving cookie crumbs all over Chicago.

CT – 7:40 PM – Dissing romantic comedies. SO meta.

KT – 7:41 PM – Of course there’s a man who made Emma Roberts the stone cold woman she is now.

CT – 7:41 PM – She may never love again. Also, that does not look like wine. She looks like a tampon.

KT – 7:42 PM – It’s true, women love bonding in bathrooms at clubs and bars, but not like this.

KT – 7:43 PM – This montage is way too fun to not lead to love.

CT – 7:43 PM – A second Dirty Dancing reference. Why does the entire drunk club care about this?

KT – 7:44 PM – And the room stops to watch a tampon leap into the arms of Crocodile Dundee.

Break: 7:45 PM (Honestly, we needed some wine for this madness)

Resume: 7:50 (Wine in hand)

CT – 7:52 PM – I’ve never heard the no porn on Valentine’s Day rule before.

CT – 7:53 PM – Netflix just crashed for a minute. Even Netflix doesn’t want to watch this.

KT – 7:54 PM – Luke looks like he would be cast in a Harry Potter porno as Harry. Felicity could be an insanely inaccurate version of porn Hermione.

CT – 7:55 PM – Or mean Fleur Delacour.

CT – 7:56 PM – Green juice sucks, we all know it. Also, is Emma really going to eat a grocery basket full of chocolate right now?

KT – 7:57 PM – Already exhausted by this man saying all food is crap unless it’s green juice because he’s an athlete. He’s a golfer. Thank God Emma called him out on this.

CT – 7:57 PM – Literally anyone is fit enough to golf.

KT – 7:58 PM – Another hot take: It’s weird when women say the word pussy. Also, usually I like a rough-and-tumble commitment-phobe lead guy by now, but not in this movie.

KT – 7:59 PM – Yet another hot take from generic Chris Hemsworth: You girls get clingy.

KT – 8:02 PM – I am loving the song “Move Bitch” by Ludacris playing over a shot of children fighting over Easter eggs. Genius. Oh good, Chenoweth is dressed as a Playboy bunny for Easter.

CT – 8:03 PM – Kristen Chenoweth is way too horny for her own good. 

CT – 8:04 PM – Bitchy mom just ROASTED Kristen Chenoweth. She is going to end up alone. In a wheelchair. In a diaper.

CT – 8:05 PM – All of these tired clichés about women and men are utterly charmless.

KT – 8:07 PM – I officially need a tiny sombrero for the next Cinco De Mayo. Or whenever, really.

CT – 8:07 PM – Tiny sombrero is the best part of this movie.

KT – 8:09 PM – This is a very creepy situation going on. Neither of them remember if they had sex.

CT – 8:10 PM – Emma said, “Well nothing is dried on my leg.” This whole situation is out of hand.

KT – 8:10 PM – Emma’s mom literally told her she’s going to get cancer. On Mother’s Day.

CT – 8:11 PM – And that she’ll never get a husband if she waits until after her inevitable cancer.

KT – 8:15 PM – I can’t stop thinking about Kristen Chenoweth reading the script for this movie and thinking, “Oh yeah, I’m in.”

CT – 8:17 PM – Emma Roberts is the worst driver of all time.

KT – 8:17 PM – You absolutely cannot smoke in a hospital, marijuana or otherwise.

CT – 8:22 PM – This tension between them is weirder than not knowing if his penis has been inside of her or not.

KT – 8:26 PM – Ohhhh boy. Kristen Chenoweth is sucking on the Australian’s finger in public, at a wedding.

CT – 8:26 PM – HIS RECENTY REATTACHED FINGER.

KT – 8:27 PM – Calling it now: this movie ends with them at Thanksgiving dinner together.

CT – 8:28 PM – Okayyy, “I’ll Make Love to You” is the father-daughter song?

KT – 8:29 PM – What the hell is going on.

KT – 8:33 PM – Why would porn Harry Potter be invited to a party hosted by Emma’s sister-in-law who doesn’t even know him?

CT – 8:35 PM – Emma Roberts is losing her shit. Literally.

KT – 8:35 PM – HOW do you mix up Tums with laxatives?!

CT – 8:35 PM – Why did this sister even have laxatives?

KT – 8:40 PM – Kendall I think you’re right. In love ahead of schedule.

KT – 8:40 PM – Oh it’s happening.

CT – 8:40 PM – Now they just need to have a big fight so she can cry and they’ll reunite on Thanksgiving.

KT – 8:42 PM – Who thought her shitting herself would also lead to her having sex with the guy she likes for the first time?

CT – 8:48 PM – Here comes the fight.

KT – 8:51 PM – This is VERY public and embarrassing.

CT – 8:51 PM – If I saw this I would be openly staring at the drama.

KT – 8:53 PM – There is so much drama and now this random old man is having a heart attack at the dinner table. This movie!!

CT – 8:54 PM – Chenoweth is here playing the ghost of Christmas future.

KT – 8:55 PM – How does no one ever look and watch these public fights where people are screaming?

CT – 8:57 PM – Back at the mall. Could we be coming full circle?

CT – 8:58 PM – These people have absolutely no qualms about screaming in public.

CT – 9:01 PM – They just had to throw the word Holidate in one more time.

KT – 9:01 PM – That has to be the 100th time they’ve said Holidate.

The End: 9:03 PM

Since this movie was chock full of hot takes, it feels only appropriate to end with our final hot takes.

Kendall: I don’t know, guys. It’s entertaining enough but I feel dirty from over sexualized Kristen Chenoweth.

Casey: It was definitely cute and fun, but any movie that tries to convince us that Emma Roberts is not gorgeous is not for me.

If you’re curious to watch Holidate, check it out on Netflix. If you have any other comments on the film, leave them below!

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